Abusive behavior, neglect, breakups, and total mayhem in the household can be among the most formative experiences of a child’s formative years. Childhood hardship is connected to personality characteristics such as high levels of destructive feelings and concentrating on the achievement of success in the external world. It’s possible that a person’s personal qualities formed in part as a defense mechanism to help them cope with additional suffering and loss. Numerous studies have concluded that a person’s adult personality is strongly impacted by traumatic events that occurred in their childhood, such as:
- Abuse of any kind, be it physical, sexual, or emotional
- Abandonment
- Parental divorce or separation
- The detention or imprisonment of a parent
- being subjected to violence within the home
- A parent’s substance misuse or severe mental illness
The following characteristics are connected to the hardship experienced in childhood:
Neuroticism
An individual who had a troubled upbringing is more likely to experience a significant amount of negative emotion as an adult. They might be more likely to experience depressive episodes, worry, anger, panic attacks, or other types of anxiety. Once an individual has been upset, it could be difficult for them to retrieve their composure. Provided that the individual probably went through a lot of challenging emotional states as a child but never learned how to deal with them, it is simple to comprehend why they are having emotional problems as an adult.
Anger and Aggression
An individual is more likely to be confrontational, angry, and verbally or physically violent if they experienced a difficult childhood, which is linked to high levels of neuroticism. They could also tend to act on their impulses. These behaviors could have been picked up as a result of observing them when the individual was a child; alternatively, they could have evolved as a protective mechanism against suffering loss or being mistreated.
A low degree of Agreeability
Some who suffered abuse or neglect in their formative years have a greater propensity to be difficult to interact with and to engage in regular arguments with others. It’s possible that they have trouble working with others and would rather “go it alone” than collaborate with others. These inclinations may be linked to undergoing a significant number of negative emotions, such as mood swings and anger, which are both symptoms of this condition.
Focus on One’s Success on That of Others
Arrogance and a maladaptive type of pride can be the result of having had negative life experiences at a young age, perhaps as a defense mechanism against an underpinning feeling of unworthiness or weakness. In a similar vein, the individual will frequently yearn for stardom and personal wealth, most of the time in an attempt to assuage the agony and deprivation they experienced in the past.
Reduced Interaction
Even though they are focused on their exterior success, the individual may have difficulty finding genuine engagement in their life. They might not have a very distinct feeling of purpose, and it might be difficult for them to find positive activities that they are interested in and that they find enjoyable. It might also be difficult for them to be productive and finish tasks, and they might have a difficult time feeling good about themselves and the things they have accomplished. They have the propensity to be self-reliant or even unapproachable in social situations.
Finding a Way to Make Peace with Your Past
It may be hurtful to acknowledge yourself in these personality characteristics, which are usually not deemed to be admirable traits in a person’s personality. Being wounded as a child and then having to carry the scars into adulthood may feel like you are enduring double the amount of hardship. However, you should try to show some compassion for yourself. The personality that you have developed is not only understandable but even easy to predict; it is precisely what we would anticipate based on the information that is already available. According to the findings of Roseman and Rodgers, “the repercussions of childhood trauma succeed throughout the lifecycle.”
Think about the things that you’ve been able to achieve in your life despite the early difficulties that you faced, such as the friends that you’ve made and the accomplishments that you’ve had. Recognize how far you’ve come. Keep in mind, too, that you’re not alone; unfortunately, having a difficult childhood is extremely common, which means that there are a great number of other people who share your background of hardship. You may find yourself attracted to these people because you recognize, even unknowingly, that your history and perspective on the world are similar to theirs.
The characteristics of personality that are explained here are formed as coping mechanisms to help the individual ward off additional emotional anguish. And even though hardship may have hardened your heart and created a protective barrier around it, it has not sapped the love that you have to give. An unyielding exterior can hide a tender heart that yearns to provide and receive love from individuals who are concerned enough about you to make the effort to get to know the true you.
There is Always Hope
Personality is considered to be reasonably constant; however, studies have shown that it can shift over time. When an individual receives some kind of treatment, a transformation in their personality can occur fairly rapidly as little as four weeks (psychotherapy or medication). The natural inclination to encounter negative emotions, or neuroticism, is the characteristic that can be treated with the greatest degree of success.
Even though your difficult upbringing may have played a role in making you who you are today, it does not have the ultimate say in who you’ll become. If you haven’t already, you should think about beginning therapy.
Try to find a situation today in which you can put into practice a different approach to dealing with challenging feelings. For instance, if you’re feeling angry, you should turn that emotion into curiosity about the experience. Become aware of the energetic pattern that anger creates in the body. Investigate what’s going on in your head in the same way that an “emotionalist” would. Be open to whatever you find, and pay attention to how your emotional experience changes as a result of this approach.
